The Evil that Lurks Within

When I was doing graduate work I was captivated by Carl Jung. His insights into what he called the "Shadow" is unsurpassed. Basically, in Jung's paradigm, the Shadow is made up of those unconscious, repressed parts of ourselves that sometimes expose themselves in weird ways. An example is the University of Georgia research that demonstrated a positive correlation between latent homosexual tendencies and homophobia. In other words, based on the study, the most homophobic among us is highly likely to have repressed homosexual tendencies.

Jung noted that "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." With this understanding, it's not enough to observe that something irritates or offends us. The real discovery comes when we delve into why something irritates or offends us and more specifically, what that reveals about what lies hidden within.

I can't help thinking, as I write, about Adolf Hitler who was convinced the master race was the blond haired, blue-eyed ones. Yet, he had dark hair and dark eyes. Did no one ever look at him and say "What the heck?"

The point to this is to be aware of the next step, the step beyond irritation. When we notice irritation arising, that's only step one. Just because we're irritated doesn't mean we have to express our irritation outwardly. After we notice we're irritated, the next step is to look at what the irritation can teach us about ourselves. If laziness irritates us, is it because we have an unconscious fear that we might be or might become lazy? If aggression irritates us, is it because we have an unconscious fear that we are or might become aggressive. And on and on it goes until we have stripped away the pretenses and revealed the truth behind our own humanness and that is: Whatever is possible for a human to do, it is possible for me to do (both the good and the evil).

#counseling #acim #acourseinmiracles #psychology #spirituality

Ego is the First Responder

On occasion, I've been hooked by something someone writes and in my state of "hooked-ness" I write a fiery response. Fortunately, often, before I do anything with my response I reread what originally hooked me and find, to my dismay, I was mistaken in my original interpretation. This is what happens when we see through the eyes of guilt. The ego response is always defensive and it retaliates.

The ego always responds first and it's response is always defensive.  Perhaps realizing this is what's behind the old adage "When you're angry, count to ten before you say anything." That space, between one and ten, (when we do it properly and take a full ten seconds as opposed when we rush through it and count to ten in, like, three seconds) is often all that's needed to get ego in its place and begin thinking with the right mind. Becoming aware of the areas that pinch us is enlightening and can be what leads us to become broader and fuller human beings. 

#acim #acourseinmiracles #counseling 

Acts of Kindness

The Course reminds us that we live in a world of illusion and that in this world of illusion there are no hierarchies --- that a mild annoyance is the same (in content) as an assault. This being so, there is no hierarchy of kindnesses, either. Holding a door open is the same as giving someone $100. We do what we can with what we have. With that as introduction, here's a story:

It was one of those days. You know the kind. I'd misplaced my cellphone and it took forever to find it. I'd misplaced my car keys and it took another forever to find them. I was in a rush, and now harried because I had things to do.

As I was out and about taking care of business I decided to hit the Taco Bell drive-thru. I pulled up to the order-box and asked for two bean burritos. The voice at the other end of the box said "That'll be $2.50." As I pulled toward the drive-thru window I reached into my pocket for a $10 bill that was there. Oh, no! It wasn't there! I'd taken it out when I washed my slacks. "That's okay," I thought, "I'll use my debit card that's in my wallet." I reached for my wallet. Oh, no!!! It wasn't there either. I scrambled for change in the console, underneath the seat, and in the door panel ---- pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters --- I scratched for everything I could find. I finished counting the change just as I pulled up to the window --- $2.00 --- that was all I could find.

A lady opened the window and I said, "I'm so embarrassed. I thought I had money in my pocket and my wallet. I have neither." She evidently saw the change in my hand and asked, "How much do you have?" I said, "I only have $2.00 and a lot of it is in pennies." She said, "Sweetheart, don't worry about it. Give me what you have. It's fine." I said, "Thank you so much!" And then she added, "It'll get better."

A few days later I was out and about taking care of business, again. My stomach began to grumble a bit and remembered the kindness of the lady at Taco Bell so I went back to the same Taco Bell. This time I parked the car and went inside. I walked up to the counter and the young man behind the counter asked what I'd like. I told him I'd like two bean burritos to go. "That'll be $2.50, please," he said. I gave him the infamous $10 bill. He gave me change and a styrofoam cup and said, "Don't worry about the drink. It's on me." I was mute for a few seconds. I expressed my gratitude, walked to the fountain, filled my drink cup and awaited my order. The order came, I got in my car, and headed out of the parking lot. Just as I passed the rear of the Taco Bell I saw the young man who took my order carting the trash out to the dumpsters. I rolled down my window and waved. He threw up is hand in response. The kindness of those two people, on those two days, had an impact on me. Here I am, thinking about it and writing about it several weeks later.

There are no such things as small kindnesses. There is no hierarchy of kindnesses. We each do what we can with what we have and we never know what it will do for others.

#acim #acourseinmiracles #inspirational #counseling

Simmply do this...

"Simply do this: Be still, and lay aside all thoughts of what you are and what God is; all concepts you have learned about the world; all images you hold about yourself. Empty your mind of everything it thinks is either true or false, or good or bad, of every thought it judges worthy, and all the ideas of which it is ashamed. Hold onto nothing. Do not bring with you one thought the past has taught, nor one belief you ever learned before from anything. Forget this world, forget this course, and come with wholly empty hands unto your God." ~ ACIM
#acim #acourseinmiracles

Miracles and Love's Presence

As she watched expectantly, I emptied her water bowl and filled it with fresh, clear, cool water. I do this each morning and evening for Sophia who has been my companion since I found her wrapped in a packing blanket and abandoned in a ditch along the road.

As I performed the ritual this morning, the thought came to mind of how mysterious this might appear to Sophia. A bowl with stale water miraculously is filled with fresh, clean, living water. A similar ritual on my part transforms the food bowl. Yet to me, there's little mystery. It's what I do because I love her.

As I went through this morning's ritual with this new thought, another thought came to mind: This is how it is with our Creator. What appears miraculous to us is just a part of our Creator's nature as each need we have is systematically provided as Love expresses Itself on our behalf.
May you be filled to the brim with the awareness of Love's Presence and the miracles that provides each moment of the day!

#spirituality #counseling #acim #acourseinmiracles

Grief is caused by the disparity between what happened and what we think should have happened. The greater the disparity between the two, the greater the grief.

Now that the day is over...

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

In theory, all of us are, at max, six people removed from any other person on earth. There's been serious research that seems to validate it. In my case, I'm literally, at most two degrees (two people, maybe only one) from the President of the  United States. In this case, I'm not speaking theoretically, I'm speaking literally. That would put me at three, maybe four people (degrees) from the world's top leaders. This validates something I believe deeply --- that we're all connected. I believe it's true spiritually and, in  a way unknown to us, physically.

Get up and Out.

In spite of our wish for it to be otherwise, on occasion, despair creeps in and we feel lonely and isolated. In truth, we're neither alone nor isolated. When this feeling creeps up on us, the very best thing we can do is to willfully move against the inertia by getting our bodies up and out --- anywhere and doing anything with anyone. It doesn't much matter as long as we keep doing something, anything, everything. Don't fight the feeling as that makes it stronger. Merely refocus your attention on getting up and out, in front of people, and before long, the miracle happens, we realize we're neither alone nor isolated.

Each doing what he can with what he has, we get there together.

For every hurt or disappointment we feel, those around us have their own. For every deficiency we see in those around us, we have our own they see in us. Look graciously on those you see as everyone is fighting their own hard battle. Offer assistance, not resistance. We will get there together.

What do you mean I'm not...!!!

I remember exactly where I was the day it hit me. I was on an overpass headed toward downtown Houston in a traffic grid-lock. Four lanes of traffic were at a complete standstill and no one was going anywhere. As I sat in my car and looked at the dozens of cars and drivers around me and the hundreds beyond them, it hit me like a stack of bricks: "You're not special." As suddenly as the realization came, a sense of heaviness also descended upon me. "What do you mean, 'You're not special?'" I thought back. My parents told me I was special and other people who loved me acted like I was special. But in that moment I realized the truth. I'm not special.

It wasn't until sometime later I came across the same line in the Course: "Comparison must be an ego device, for love makes none. Specialness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another, and is maintained by searching for, and keeping clear in sight, all lacks it can perceive...You are not special..." ~ ACIM, The Treachery of Specialness

Sometimes grief can be exacerbated by feelings of specialness. On occasion I hear, "I don't understand why this is happening to me," or "I don't understand why God is doing this to me." I totally understand the feeling because I've had it myself. I still have it on occasion, but the feeling is always countered with "You're not special." That helps keep me from taking whatever it is I'm going through personally.

To realize that I'm not special is not to say that I'm not loved. Love is all encompassing and has no favorites. If something has favorites, it's not Love --- not in the truest, purest sense of the word.

Realizing I'm not special can also help stay out of both the victim and the victimizer roles. Whatever it is I've gone through in the past, it's not limited to me alone. I'm not special that way. Many, many, many others have experienced the same, or at least similar, situations. Realizing I'm not special also helps keep the victimizer role in check. Despite what I might think, I don't deserve things many others don't have just because I'm me.

Issues we have and blessings we enjoy have nothing to do with being special. To some degree they are the luck of the draw, so-to-speak. However, it's also vital to remember that just because I realize I'm not special that doesn't mean I'm not loved, as are you, your friend, and even your enemy. Love is Equal Opportunity and loves without distinction based on nationality, race, socio-economic status, political party or religion. We're not special but we are loved as the one Son of God.

Anger's Relation to Grief

Many are familiar with Elizabeth Kubler Ross and her Five Stages of Grief: Denial; Anger; Bargaining; Depression; and Acceptance. These are often associated with specific traumatic events like a death. Working as closely as I do with those who are navigating the grieving process, this formula makes for a helpful model as we all journey toward health and wholeness. The process isn't as clean and well-defined as it appears on paper as we often take two steps forward then one back. Sometimes we move quickly through one stage to another, then stay at that stage for a prolonged period of time. Sometimes we skip a stage only to go back to it at some other time. Sometimes we move forward two stages, then back three. So, as clean as it appears on paper, it's pretty unpredictable in reality.

One thing I encounter often is what, merely for sake of convenience, I'll call "unresolved grief." I use that phrase for the sake of convenience because there's another way to look at it that's more helpful that I'll discuss at a later time.

By "unresolved grief" I mean grief that, to date, we've been unable to move past. It might be associated with childhood trauma, the death of a spouse (especially an untimely death), or a host of other events that seem to linger in our psyche. Often, the grief is unconscious.

When we're unable to resolve, make peace with, move beyond or forgive (let go of) the trauma there is a predictable and unmistakable anger, even rage, that simmers just below the surface. This anger, or rage, can explode over even relatively insignificant incidents, go back into hiding, then resurface with the next event. This type of behavior is called "displaced aggression." The anger is displaced onto an object or person that has little or nothing with the unresolved, and often unconscious, grief. We're not upset for the reason we think. The grief is projected outward in the form of anger or rage onto a relatively innocent party.

Until we have made peace with the traumatic event(s), we're doomed to play this scenario out time-and-time-again, hurting both ourselves and those around us (especially those closest to us).

Spirit Cannot be Captured

Words are merely symbols. While they make it easier for us to communicate, they can also capture, restrict and imprison those ideas we're attempting to discuss. Take, for example, the word "God." Because a particular view about "That which is beyond our knowledge" has been captured, restricted, and imprisoned by that word (i.e. old man in the sky, separate and wholly other, yet institutionalized within organizations [and therefore somewhat controllable]), some of us seek other words that attempt to break open the shell-encrusted concept. Words we use are "Spirit," "Universe," "Universal Mind," "Mind," "Love," and "Consciousness," as well as others.

Whichever word we choose, it's still just a word that attempts to capture what's not capture-able. But, I think, it's still important to have a word connected to the concept as long as the word is comfortable and comforting to us and we realize the word doesn't capture the reality behind it.

"God" is not restricted to definitions and descriptions. "Spirit" is beyond all attempts at understanding. "Mind" cannot be institutionalized. "Love" has no borders and is restricted to no particular people or institution. And, so "It" merely "Is."

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with Spirit." ~ the New Testament

Death is Nothing at All.

Pragmatic Spirituality

From the first time I heard it, I've been drawn to the word "pragmatic." "Pragmatic." I like the way it sounds and I especially like all the meaning tied up in that one little word:

Pragmatic: "dealing with things sensibly and realistically in a way that is based on practical rather than theoretical considerations; sensible; down-to-earth."

For as far back as I can remember, I've also been drawn to the spiritual considerations of life. This particular "bent" to my personality has been the motivating power for most of my major life decisions.

It's no surprise to me, then, that the idea of "pragmatic spirituality" has a special appeal to me. This idea has been with me for so long, and so much a part of my thinking, that I don't know if I read the phrase somewhere or if I made it up myself. Whichever, it's the only type of spirituality that is sensible to me. Any spirituality that is not practical, sensible, down-to-earth, that does not help me engage the world and do better in the world, is escapism.

Often, we resort to a spirituality when our world is turned upside down through an unexpected transition --- illness, death, separation, divorce, change in circumstance. An ethereal, other-worldly, theoretical spirituality is practically useless during these times. They are found lacking and that's why people are often disappointed.

When I'm face-down in the mud, give me a pragmatic, down-to-earth, dirty, spirituality. That's what I know I can count on.

Closure vs. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is letting go of what we think happened. I use the phrase "think happened" because it's not possible for humans to know all there is to know about any given situation. We're not omniscient. There are always multiple sides. Children blame their parents. Parents blame their children. Each spouse blames the other and all believe in their heart of hearts they're right. So, forgiveness is letting go of what we THINK happened.

These days, we hear little about forgiveness and a lot about "closure." After an incident we want closure. The families of victims think closure will come through a sentence from the judicial system. It doesn't happen. They still feel empty after even the most severe sentences. This is because there is no closure. There is only forgiveness and the only way to healing is down this road because its the only road that leads to emotional and spiritual health.