"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." ~ Rumi

Leonardo DaVinci:

#spirituality #synergy #perception #mind

Do You Want to be Happy?

"The first thing I want you to understand, if you really want to wake up, is that you don't want to wake up. The first step to waking up is to be honest enough to admit to yourself that...You don't want to be happy. One little test? Let's try it. It will take you exactly 1 minute. You could close your eyes while you're doing or you could keep them open. It doesn't really matter. Think of someone you love very much, ...someone you're close to, someone who is so precious to you, and say to that person in your mind, 'I'd rather have happiness than have you.' See what happens. 'I'd rather be happy than to have you. If I had a choice, no question about it, I'd choose happiness.' How many of you felt selfish when you said this? Many it seems. See how we have been brainwashed? See how we've been brainwashed into thinking, 'How could I be so selfish?' But look at who's being selfish. Imagine somebody saying to you, 'How could you be so selfish that you choose happiness over me?' Would you not feel like responding, 'Pardon me, but how could you be so selfish that you would demand that I choose you above my own happiness?'" ~ Anthony De Mello

#spirituality #happiness #ACIM #acourseinmiracles #mentalhealth

Upgrade Rejected!

I noticed a commotion in the line next to the one I was in. "That's not what I ordered!!!" a woman asserted loudly referring to a drink. A manager behind the counter politely asked, "Ma'am, what did you order." The woman repeated what she had ordered. "Ma'am, that's what this is," assured the manager. "IT IS NOT," shouted the customer. "That's a large. I ordered a medium." "We gave you a free 'upgrade' to a large." "That's not what I ordered! I ordered a medium!!!" shouted the woman as she stormed out of line.

It's all perspective. Gift from the Universe or not paying attention to what I ordered?

I would have taken the large and walked out with a smile on my face thinking the Universes gave me a gift. I know because I've done it before. This woman rejected what I would have interpreted as a gift because what she received didn't exactly match the words that came out of her mouth (ie "large" vs. "medium").

Knowing we're all the same caused me to reflect on gifts the Universe gave me that I might have rejected because it wasn't EXACTLY what I ordered. How many upgrades have I refused?

#acim #acourseinmiracles #spirituality #perception #mind

A Perspective on Karma

Karma, traditionally understood, is the ego's counterfeit for Truth. Traditionally, karma is understood as (primarily) "paying" for "misdeeds" in past lives. This is the ego at it's best, cloaking it's "somebody's gotta pay" song in a "spiritual" and spiritually dense framework. It keeps people bogged down with the past. The Course affirms there is no past.

Authentic "Karma" (for lack of a better word) is here and now and comes from our treatment of others, which is a treatment of ourselves because everything is everything (else). We cannot attack another --- not even with something as seemingly 'innocent' as a negative opinion (whatever is not love is attack) without doing untold harm to ourselves, both psychically and physically (the body is the mind).

Whatever we do to someone else we are doing to ourselves. Since there is no body/mind split a "psychic attack" (anything intended to hurt, attack, mistreat, etc) another manifests in some way in our own body. Whatever we do to another we are doing to ourselves, literally. There is no separation.

#acim #acourseinmiracles #spirituality #karma #life #living

The Course and "God Talk"

On one hand, some folk get hung up and turned off by what they identify as Christian terminology in ACIM. On the other hand, others, get hung up and turned off because they're familiar with the words, but don't understand how the Course uses them. The Course uses words like God, Holy Spirit, atonement, forgiveness, altar. etc. But it uses these words in decidedly non-traditional ways.

As you play with the Course, if you can remember one of the insights from the Course itself, that words are symbols of symbols twice removed from reality, it can help you understand the deeper use of these words, what the words point to, the content not the form.

We have only words, spoken and written (excluding body language for this discussion), with which to communicate. When we really get that words, regardless of the words we use, are merely symbols and then try to move beyond the symbols (the form) into what the symbols are pointing to (the content) it will open our world in ways we cannot imagine beforehand.

Don't let the language of ACIM scare you off. The Course uses religious terminology in a non-traditional way. If you can stay with it, look past the form (the word) to the content (what the word is pointing to) your world will open up in unimagined ways.

#acim #acourseinmiracles

If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him.

You may be familiar with the Zen illustration of the finger pointing out the moon. According to the story, we can become so enamored with the finger that we miss the moon it’s pointing to. So it is with much in life. We focus on the form and miss the content.

Among the opening words of ACIM we read: “The Course makes no claim to finality, nor are the Workbook lessons intended to bring the student’s learning to completion. At the end, the reader is left in the hands of his or her own Internal Teacher, Who will direct all subsequent learning as He sees fit. While the Course is comprehensive in scope, truth cannot be limited to any finite form…"

Among the closing words of the Course we read: “This Course is a beginning not an end…”

The Course isn’t intended to be a destination. By its own admission, it’s a way-station. Like the “good” guru that doesn’t want followers, but wants people to become their own guru, the purpose of the Course is to lead us beyond the Course itself.

Tradition tells us that Sidhartha said, “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.” The Buddha on the road can appear in most any form --- a person, a place, an event, a book (Bible, Koran, even A Course in Miracles) --- all can be used as an authority external to oneself. To do this with ACIM is to miss the point of the Course in the first place.

The spiritual power we see in those who saw what most of us don’t, people like Sidhartha and Jesus, is that they lived as their own authority. Sidhartha pointed his disciples back to themselves as their own authorities (subsequent generations to him did not). Jesus pointed his disciples back to themselves (“the Kingdom of heaven is within you.”) (subsequent generations to him did not).

ACIM states it is a course in mind training. We might even see it much more like a course in mind-untraining. The Course systematically takes us through steps designed to remove the barriers of our previous social, political, and spiritual/religious training --- previous training that actually blocks our awareness and use of what the Course calls the Inner Teacher. This is the Course’s objective: to turn us back to ourselves as our own authority.

Nothing could be more consistent with the Course than for us to get to the place where we, literally, throw it in the trash. The Course is not a destination. It’s a way-station.

#acim #acourseinmiracles #spiritual #therapists

Keeping It Simple

A prominent public speaker is doing what he does, waxing eloquently in front of an audience. He’s getting a bit complicated in his message so his wife, who’s sitting on the front row, pulls out a tube of lipstick and writes on her white purse: “KISS” Inspired by her message the speaker gets his second wind, and delves even deeper into his topic.

His wife holds up her purse a second time and shakes it at him. The speaker sees the inspiring message, KISS, and, thinking his wife is really getting off on the complexity of his message, he pulls out all the stops and goes even deeper.

 Later that evening as they sit together at home the husband says, “Honey, thank you for sending me your kisses this evening. It really inspired me.” His wife responded, “Darling, I wasn’t sending you kisses. You were getting too complex. I was sending you a message “KISS. Keep It Simple, Sweetheart.”

The Course arose out of conflict and as a response to the statement, “There must be a better way.” The Course’s answer is, “Yes. There is a better way. Here it is.”

Making one’s way through ACIM is a massive undertaking. But for all its complexity, its message is quite simple. A key to its simplicity may be found in the first chapter: “You respond to what you perceive, and as you perceive so shall you behave. The Golden Rule asks you to do unto others as you would have them do unto you…The Golden Rule is THE [emphasis mine – fm] rule for appropriate behavior…Since you and your neighbor are equal members of one family, as you perceive both so you will DO [emphasis mine] to both.”

 Okay, the Golden Rule --- we’ve heard it, and can see the wisdom in it. It’s very simple, but not necessarily easy. It’s easy to treat someone the way we want to be treated if we like them, if we share common interests, values, and points of view (especially political and religious), but what of those “other” people?

 Jesus of the New Testament is reported to have said, “If you greet only those who greet you, how are you any different from the ‘bad guys?’ Even they do that.” (my paraphrase – fm)

The above paragraph from ACIM affirms that we are all members of ONE family. There is no distinction between us, except the distinction we create in our own mind (what the Course calls “perception.”)

But if I’m a CNN guy, what about the FOX news people? Answer: There is no difference between us. But if I'm a conservative what about the liberals? Answer: There is no difference between us. But if I’m… (fill in the blank --- the answer is the same --- there is no difference).

 The ego-mind creates duality, differences. In reality, there is no duality, no me and them or this and that. Everything is the same as everything else, and it’s all connected. The ego-mind sees chaos. In reality, there is no chaos. Everything is connected and behaves as one united and continuous whole.

Whatever I do to someone else I do to myself. It’s metaphysically impossible to attack another, even with something as seemingly small as negative opinion, without attacking and doing harm to myself.

The Golden Rule is actually a rule for self-care. It can be paraphrased: “As I do unto others, I am doing unto myself.”

#acim #spirituality #goldenrule #keepitsimple #simplicity

No one is an island...

ACIM has heavy doses of metaphysics and psychology. So much so, one can get bogged down and overlook the stated purpose of the Course.

The Course was refined in the cauldron of interpersonal conflict, specifically, between Bill Thetford and Helen Schucman. It was written as a response to Bill's statement: "There must be a better way." The Course responds "There is and here it is." Everything written after that assists in breaking down barriers we believe separate us from everyone and everything else but which, in reality, are illusory.

There is no separation the Course affirms repeatedly --- not between me and "God," not between me and my brother. The Course affirms that there is no problem between me and God, never was, never will be. The problem exists in the mistaken belief that I'm separated not only from God but also from my brother (that's "the problem" --- ie the belief in separation). When I come to peace with my brother (ie everyone who has been brought into my life), through forgiveness (acceptance) and the atonement (at-one-ment) I then, and only then, experience what the Course calls the "peace of God."

If ever I am to experience peace, in terms of the Course, it has to come through my interpersonal relationships. That's where the Course started. That's where the Course ends. We make it together, you and I.

We see what we think is there.

"In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true." ~ John Lilly

Not long ago, I heard this conversation between two men on a reality TV program that followed Sasquatch hunters around in the woods at night:

#1: "Did you hear that?"

#2: "Yeah, I did."

#1: "That was a Sasquatch."

#2: "It sounded like a coyote to me."

#1: "Yeah, that's what they sound like. They sound like coyotes."

I'm convinced had the second hunter said, "It sounded like an owl, to me," the first would have responded, "Yeah, that's what they sound like. They sound like owls." We see (and, as in this case, hear) what we believe is there.

We may not be hearing Sasquatch, but the principle applies. We see what we believe is there. Most of us see a present through the lense of a past we believe is still there. Often fear generated from a past trauma paralyzes us in the present. This paralysis prevents us from extending ourselves into the present.

To my knowledge there's only one remedy for this malady --- systematically retraining the mind. Part of the process is letting go what we think happened in the past. In a word, it's called "forgiving." Forgive the past. Let it go. It's a chain that shackles us to something that no longer exists. When we drop the lenses causing us to see through the past, we can see freshly and what's actually there rather than the specters we believe are there. 

Released From Prison

One spiritual awakening I cherish profusely was the one that opened me to a different way of thinking about God. For years my neck had been under the boot-heel of the ego's portrait of God as judgmental and punitive.

Then I read this: "Can you believe our Father really thinks this way? It is so essential that all such thinking be dispelled that we must be sure that nothing of this kind remains in your mind."

My answer was "No. I can't believe that." And, almost instantaneously, it was as though prison doors had been flung open and I was free.

#spirituality #mind #therapists

Let Go and Move On.

When my mother died she left behind a memento that was one of the most helpful items I've ever received. It was a note that read: "If you're reading this, it means I'm gone. Now get on with your life." That was so much like my momma --- practical, open and honest.

In a very real down-in-the-dirt sense that memento set me free from feeling like I was supposed to grieve the rest of my life. Death is as normal as birth, breathing, and eating. When someone we love dies, it's not personal. It's not something that we, exclusively, experience. It is, however, something that we tend to attach latent grief to. It gives us a reason to express the grief we all have hiding just below the surface of the psyche. But it's misdirected.

Because my mother gave me permission to move beyond grief, I sometimes look at others who grieve for years at the death of a parent or spouse and silently wish they had been given the same gift: "I'm gone. Get on with your life." "Get on  with living." Remaining in grief isn't a sign of loyalty. We have this idea that if we stop grieving that's evidence that we didn't care, that we didn't love. We have this idea that the greater the grief we feel or display the greater the proof of our love. It's simply not true. I know people who feel guilty because, for one reason or another, they haven't or don't visit the gravesite of a loved one. They heap guilt on top of grief. That's not healthy and this is one reason I choose to be cremated. I don't want those I leave behind,  once I move on, to feel the least bit of discomfort because they haven't gone to a plot of ground to pay their respects on a regular basis. I want them to let grief go, to move on and get on with living their own lives. We can't live in grief and joy at the same time. One is of ego, the other is of Spirit.

As I was writing this the thought came to mind, "Perhaps my mother has a message to you through me." If you're grieving the loss of someone you love there's a time for grieving but it's not the rest of your life. My mother may be saying to you, "After you've grieved a bit get on with your life. Get on with living. There's a lot of living to be done!"

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

"When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

"When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

"LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

~Author Unknown

#relationships #counseling #acim

The Evil that Lurks Within

When I was doing graduate work I was captivated by Carl Jung. His insights into what he called the "Shadow" is unsurpassed. Basically, in Jung's paradigm, the Shadow is made up of those unconscious, repressed parts of ourselves that sometimes expose themselves in weird ways. An example is the University of Georgia research that demonstrated a positive correlation between latent homosexual tendencies and homophobia. In other words, based on the study, the most homophobic among us is highly likely to have repressed homosexual tendencies.

Jung noted that "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." With this understanding, it's not enough to observe that something irritates or offends us. The real discovery comes when we delve into why something irritates or offends us and more specifically, what that reveals about what lies hidden within.

I can't help thinking, as I write, about Adolf Hitler who was convinced the master race was the blond haired, blue-eyed ones. Yet, he had dark hair and dark eyes. Did no one ever look at him and say "What the heck?"

The point to this is to be aware of the next step, the step beyond irritation. When we notice irritation arising, that's only step one. Just because we're irritated doesn't mean we have to express our irritation outwardly. After we notice we're irritated, the next step is to look at what the irritation can teach us about ourselves. If laziness irritates us, is it because we have an unconscious fear that we might be or might become lazy? If aggression irritates us, is it because we have an unconscious fear that we are or might become aggressive. And on and on it goes until we have stripped away the pretenses and revealed the truth behind our own humanness and that is: Whatever is possible for a human to do, it is possible for me to do (both the good and the evil).

#counseling #acim #acourseinmiracles #psychology #spirituality

Ego is the First Responder

On occasion, I've been hooked by something someone writes and in my state of "hooked-ness" I write a fiery response. Fortunately, often, before I do anything with my response I reread what originally hooked me and find, to my dismay, I was mistaken in my original interpretation. This is what happens when we see through the eyes of guilt. The ego response is always defensive and it retaliates.

The ego always responds first and it's response is always defensive.  Perhaps realizing this is what's behind the old adage "When you're angry, count to ten before you say anything." That space, between one and ten, (when we do it properly and take a full ten seconds as opposed when we rush through it and count to ten in, like, three seconds) is often all that's needed to get ego in its place and begin thinking with the right mind. Becoming aware of the areas that pinch us is enlightening and can be what leads us to become broader and fuller human beings. 

#acim #acourseinmiracles #counseling 

Acts of Kindness

The Course reminds us that we live in a world of illusion and that in this world of illusion there are no hierarchies --- that a mild annoyance is the same (in content) as an assault. This being so, there is no hierarchy of kindnesses, either. Holding a door open is the same as giving someone $100. We do what we can with what we have. With that as introduction, here's a story:

It was one of those days. You know the kind. I'd misplaced my cellphone and it took forever to find it. I'd misplaced my car keys and it took another forever to find them. I was in a rush, and now harried because I had things to do.

As I was out and about taking care of business I decided to hit the Taco Bell drive-thru. I pulled up to the order-box and asked for two bean burritos. The voice at the other end of the box said "That'll be $2.50." As I pulled toward the drive-thru window I reached into my pocket for a $10 bill that was there. Oh, no! It wasn't there! I'd taken it out when I washed my slacks. "That's okay," I thought, "I'll use my debit card that's in my wallet." I reached for my wallet. Oh, no!!! It wasn't there either. I scrambled for change in the console, underneath the seat, and in the door panel ---- pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters --- I scratched for everything I could find. I finished counting the change just as I pulled up to the window --- $2.00 --- that was all I could find.

A lady opened the window and I said, "I'm so embarrassed. I thought I had money in my pocket and my wallet. I have neither." She evidently saw the change in my hand and asked, "How much do you have?" I said, "I only have $2.00 and a lot of it is in pennies." She said, "Sweetheart, don't worry about it. Give me what you have. It's fine." I said, "Thank you so much!" And then she added, "It'll get better."

A few days later I was out and about taking care of business, again. My stomach began to grumble a bit and remembered the kindness of the lady at Taco Bell so I went back to the same Taco Bell. This time I parked the car and went inside. I walked up to the counter and the young man behind the counter asked what I'd like. I told him I'd like two bean burritos to go. "That'll be $2.50, please," he said. I gave him the infamous $10 bill. He gave me change and a styrofoam cup and said, "Don't worry about the drink. It's on me." I was mute for a few seconds. I expressed my gratitude, walked to the fountain, filled my drink cup and awaited my order. The order came, I got in my car, and headed out of the parking lot. Just as I passed the rear of the Taco Bell I saw the young man who took my order carting the trash out to the dumpsters. I rolled down my window and waved. He threw up is hand in response. The kindness of those two people, on those two days, had an impact on me. Here I am, thinking about it and writing about it several weeks later.

There are no such things as small kindnesses. There is no hierarchy of kindnesses. We each do what we can with what we have and we never know what it will do for others.

#acim #acourseinmiracles #inspirational #counseling

Simmply do this...

"Simply do this: Be still, and lay aside all thoughts of what you are and what God is; all concepts you have learned about the world; all images you hold about yourself. Empty your mind of everything it thinks is either true or false, or good or bad, of every thought it judges worthy, and all the ideas of which it is ashamed. Hold onto nothing. Do not bring with you one thought the past has taught, nor one belief you ever learned before from anything. Forget this world, forget this course, and come with wholly empty hands unto your God." ~ ACIM
#acim #acourseinmiracles

Miracles and Love's Presence

As she watched expectantly, I emptied her water bowl and filled it with fresh, clear, cool water. I do this each morning and evening for Sophia who has been my companion since I found her wrapped in a packing blanket and abandoned in a ditch along the road.

As I performed the ritual this morning, the thought came to mind of how mysterious this might appear to Sophia. A bowl with stale water miraculously is filled with fresh, clean, living water. A similar ritual on my part transforms the food bowl. Yet to me, there's little mystery. It's what I do because I love her.

As I went through this morning's ritual with this new thought, another thought came to mind: This is how it is with our Creator. What appears miraculous to us is just a part of our Creator's nature as each need we have is systematically provided as Love expresses Itself on our behalf.
May you be filled to the brim with the awareness of Love's Presence and the miracles that provides each moment of the day!

#spirituality #counseling #acim #acourseinmiracles

Grief is caused by the disparity between what happened and what we think should have happened. The greater the disparity between the two, the greater the grief.

Now that the day is over...

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

In theory, all of us are, at max, six people removed from any other person on earth. There's been serious research that seems to validate it. In my case, I'm literally, at most two degrees (two people, maybe only one) from the President of the  United States. In this case, I'm not speaking theoretically, I'm speaking literally. That would put me at three, maybe four people (degrees) from the world's top leaders. This validates something I believe deeply --- that we're all connected. I believe it's true spiritually and, in  a way unknown to us, physically.

Get up and Out.

In spite of our wish for it to be otherwise, on occasion, despair creeps in and we feel lonely and isolated. In truth, we're neither alone nor isolated. When this feeling creeps up on us, the very best thing we can do is to willfully move against the inertia by getting our bodies up and out --- anywhere and doing anything with anyone. It doesn't much matter as long as we keep doing something, anything, everything. Don't fight the feeling as that makes it stronger. Merely refocus your attention on getting up and out, in front of people, and before long, the miracle happens, we realize we're neither alone nor isolated.

Each doing what he can with what he has, we get there together.

For every hurt or disappointment we feel, those around us have their own. For every deficiency we see in those around us, we have our own they see in us. Look graciously on those you see as everyone is fighting their own hard battle. Offer assistance, not resistance. We will get there together.

What do you mean I'm not...!!!

I remember exactly where I was the day it hit me. I was on an overpass headed toward downtown Houston in a traffic grid-lock. Four lanes of traffic were at a complete standstill and no one was going anywhere. As I sat in my car and looked at the dozens of cars and drivers around me and the hundreds beyond them, it hit me like a stack of bricks: "You're not special." As suddenly as the realization came, a sense of heaviness also descended upon me. "What do you mean, 'You're not special?'" I thought back. My parents told me I was special and other people who loved me acted like I was special. But in that moment I realized the truth. I'm not special.

It wasn't until sometime later I came across the same line in the Course: "Comparison must be an ego device, for love makes none. Specialness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another, and is maintained by searching for, and keeping clear in sight, all lacks it can perceive...You are not special..." ~ ACIM, The Treachery of Specialness

Sometimes grief can be exacerbated by feelings of specialness. On occasion I hear, "I don't understand why this is happening to me," or "I don't understand why God is doing this to me." I totally understand the feeling because I've had it myself. I still have it on occasion, but the feeling is always countered with "You're not special." That helps keep me from taking whatever it is I'm going through personally.

To realize that I'm not special is not to say that I'm not loved. Love is all encompassing and has no favorites. If something has favorites, it's not Love --- not in the truest, purest sense of the word.

Realizing I'm not special can also help stay out of both the victim and the victimizer roles. Whatever it is I've gone through in the past, it's not limited to me alone. I'm not special that way. Many, many, many others have experienced the same, or at least similar, situations. Realizing I'm not special also helps keep the victimizer role in check. Despite what I might think, I don't deserve things many others don't have just because I'm me.

Issues we have and blessings we enjoy have nothing to do with being special. To some degree they are the luck of the draw, so-to-speak. However, it's also vital to remember that just because I realize I'm not special that doesn't mean I'm not loved, as are you, your friend, and even your enemy. Love is Equal Opportunity and loves without distinction based on nationality, race, socio-economic status, political party or religion. We're not special but we are loved as the one Son of God.

Anger's Relation to Grief

Many are familiar with Elizabeth Kubler Ross and her Five Stages of Grief: Denial; Anger; Bargaining; Depression; and Acceptance. These are often associated with specific traumatic events like a death. Working as closely as I do with those who are navigating the grieving process, this formula makes for a helpful model as we all journey toward health and wholeness. The process isn't as clean and well-defined as it appears on paper as we often take two steps forward then one back. Sometimes we move quickly through one stage to another, then stay at that stage for a prolonged period of time. Sometimes we skip a stage only to go back to it at some other time. Sometimes we move forward two stages, then back three. So, as clean as it appears on paper, it's pretty unpredictable in reality.

One thing I encounter often is what, merely for sake of convenience, I'll call "unresolved grief." I use that phrase for the sake of convenience because there's another way to look at it that's more helpful that I'll discuss at a later time.

By "unresolved grief" I mean grief that, to date, we've been unable to move past. It might be associated with childhood trauma, the death of a spouse (especially an untimely death), or a host of other events that seem to linger in our psyche. Often, the grief is unconscious.

When we're unable to resolve, make peace with, move beyond or forgive (let go of) the trauma there is a predictable and unmistakable anger, even rage, that simmers just below the surface. This anger, or rage, can explode over even relatively insignificant incidents, go back into hiding, then resurface with the next event. This type of behavior is called "displaced aggression." The anger is displaced onto an object or person that has little or nothing with the unresolved, and often unconscious, grief. We're not upset for the reason we think. The grief is projected outward in the form of anger or rage onto a relatively innocent party.

Until we have made peace with the traumatic event(s), we're doomed to play this scenario out time-and-time-again, hurting both ourselves and those around us (especially those closest to us).

Spirit Cannot be Captured

Words are merely symbols. While they make it easier for us to communicate, they can also capture, restrict and imprison those ideas we're attempting to discuss. Take, for example, the word "God." Because a particular view about "That which is beyond our knowledge" has been captured, restricted, and imprisoned by that word (i.e. old man in the sky, separate and wholly other, yet institutionalized within organizations [and therefore somewhat controllable]), some of us seek other words that attempt to break open the shell-encrusted concept. Words we use are "Spirit," "Universe," "Universal Mind," "Mind," "Love," and "Consciousness," as well as others.

Whichever word we choose, it's still just a word that attempts to capture what's not capture-able. But, I think, it's still important to have a word connected to the concept as long as the word is comfortable and comforting to us and we realize the word doesn't capture the reality behind it.

"God" is not restricted to definitions and descriptions. "Spirit" is beyond all attempts at understanding. "Mind" cannot be institutionalized. "Love" has no borders and is restricted to no particular people or institution. And, so "It" merely "Is."

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with Spirit." ~ the New Testament

Death is Nothing at All.

Pragmatic Spirituality

From the first time I heard it, I've been drawn to the word "pragmatic." "Pragmatic." I like the way it sounds and I especially like all the meaning tied up in that one little word:

Pragmatic: "dealing with things sensibly and realistically in a way that is based on practical rather than theoretical considerations; sensible; down-to-earth."

For as far back as I can remember, I've also been drawn to the spiritual considerations of life. This particular "bent" to my personality has been the motivating power for most of my major life decisions.

It's no surprise to me, then, that the idea of "pragmatic spirituality" has a special appeal to me. This idea has been with me for so long, and so much a part of my thinking, that I don't know if I read the phrase somewhere or if I made it up myself. Whichever, it's the only type of spirituality that is sensible to me. Any spirituality that is not practical, sensible, down-to-earth, that does not help me engage the world and do better in the world, is escapism.

Often, we resort to a spirituality when our world is turned upside down through an unexpected transition --- illness, death, separation, divorce, change in circumstance. An ethereal, other-worldly, theoretical spirituality is practically useless during these times. They are found lacking and that's why people are often disappointed.

When I'm face-down in the mud, give me a pragmatic, down-to-earth, dirty, spirituality. That's what I know I can count on.

Closure vs. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is letting go of what we think happened. I use the phrase "think happened" because it's not possible for humans to know all there is to know about any given situation. We're not omniscient. There are always multiple sides. Children blame their parents. Parents blame their children. Each spouse blames the other and all believe in their heart of hearts they're right. So, forgiveness is letting go of what we THINK happened.

These days, we hear little about forgiveness and a lot about "closure." After an incident we want closure. The families of victims think closure will come through a sentence from the judicial system. It doesn't happen. They still feel empty after even the most severe sentences. This is because there is no closure. There is only forgiveness and the only way to healing is down this road because its the only road that leads to emotional and spiritual health.